I can't stress how important it is to check your breasts regularly. Honestly, I rarely did before, but one day I found a lump. In January my doctor's said my tumor was 1cm. One month later when I had my mastectomy it had grown to 1.7cm and there were two other tumors that were .2 and .3cm. Catching it early when it was stage 1 saved my life.

Below is one of the best self-exam videos I've seen. It was made by an Argentinian Breast Cancer charity to demonstrate the regular checks women should be doing while skirting censorship of women's breasts by social media. If you are in a relationship, have your partner help you. Men can get breast cancer, too. Please be sure to check yourself once a month.



7/6/16

Love this girl.

6/28/16

Warning, its getting graphic. Keeping it 100.

Constipation is one of the worst side effects of antibiotics and pain meds. Beware, Dulcolax and some other laxatives can have you running to the bathroom every 10 minutes or sharting your pants. Senna and stool softeners eventually loosen things up but plenty of fiber in your diet can really help you get back to being regular. Chia pudding (chia seeds soaked in almond/soy/milk) with some fruit and nuts is a sure fire way to get everything working smoothly again.

6/25/16

Ack, what happened!?! I have completely neglected updates on this blog, partly because it's been hard to make the time and once I was feeling better I was back to over-extending myself and trying to be "normal" again. I am not Wonder Woman. Hard to admit, but I'm finally learning to say enough. My stubborn Irish side didn't want to let cancer slow me down, so I kept trying to work full-time, volunteer, and keep my side business going. Too many things fell through the cracks, so I'm finally learning to let go and hand off responsibilities to others who want to help. I've been spending more time with family and friends which has left less time to be online, but I do plan to catch up, as sharing this journey has really helped me get through it.

It's amazing and surreal to say I HAD cancer. Recovery has been complicated but I'm getting closer to the end. The next step is Reconstruction Surgery. I'm nervous and excited to replace the expander with the permanent implant tomorrow. Excited to have this uncomfortably inflated space holder out and nervous to see how the implant feels. My fear is that the implant will still hurt as much as the expander. We'll see, I'm hopeful it won't.

Wish me luck!

For those that have asked to help... if you want to bring us dinner, take my kids, or visit me and bring me lunch feel free to sign up on the calendar here:
https://mealtrain.com/mdo4r7

6/22/16

My oncologist called me after dinner and the genetic testing of the tumor came back as "low" so there is no benefit to chemo. I will be taking Tamoxifen soon instead. Bring on the hot flashes.

My genetic testing is partially in, and I'm negative for BRCA 1 and 2 so I get to keep my ovaries!

Recovery is slow, as I'm having exceptionally more pain and sensitivity than most of my plastic surgeon's patients. This weekend I fainted twice and have had bad dizziness spells. Doctors think its the combination of my low blood pressure and the meds. So I need to stop the Gabapentin (nerve pain) and flexeril (muscle relaxer) and only use over the counter ibuprofen. :(
I'm getting a blood pressure monitor to better track what's going on, increasing salt in diet and drinking more fluids, along with eating smaller meals more often to help.

I have a few more appointments with plastic surgeon to fill the expander and then I'll recover for a few months before the next surgery to exchange the expander with the permanent implant.

I start work tomorrow, but will be working from home for a week since I can't drive until the fainting/dizziness is resolved.

3/7/16

I had my two week follow up today with my surgeon. My drainage has decreased to 5-10ml's for the last few days, so the drain is coming out! After two weeks I can finally take a shower!!! My plastic surgeon didn't want to risk infection from any thing getting in the drain tube so she advised "No showers/baths" until the drain was removed. She said some patients get creative with saran wrap or garbage bags and tape, but that seemed too complicated so I stuck with sponge baths.

I was really nervous about getting the drain removed. Terry and Scott did a great job distracting me, talking about everything except what was happening, which was really helpful. My pain meds make me a little wonky so when I felt a poke I thought it was my doctor injecting an anesthetic to numb the area, but she was actually cutting and pulling out the sutures. I was thinking, if I can feel the tube coming out with anesthesia, it must be really painful without. In truth, no anesthesia was given and it wasn't that bad. It was just weird to feel the tube sliding out from under my skin. It wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined. (I have read on forums that some drains have barbs on the end that hurt like hell when they are removed. Talk to your doctor about what kind of drain you have. You may need to take something before hand to take the edge off.)

The combination of drugs has made me nauseous, light headed and has increased my insomnia. I feel like I'm walking around in a foggy haze and not able to think clearly. I've felt dazed and confused but not in a good way, more in a paranoid the cops are coming way. My doctor recommended backing off of the narcotic pain killers and only using them as needed and instead scheduling the muscle relaxer into my medicine routine to help control the pain. After the mastectomy, my plastic surgeon put the temporary expander under the muscle that will be filled gradually and then replaced with the implant. I can feel the muscles tightening around the expander which has been painful and sensitive to the touch. The muscle relaxers should help everything loosen up and hurt less.

When I'm up and active for too long I get fatigued and more sore, so I'm still trying to stay in bed as much as possible. I've been listening to podcasts and farting around on the inter webs. "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons really struck a chord with me and when I looked up the video I found this non-official one below and learned about Tyler Robinson. If you don't want to cry you can watch the band's video here https://youtu.be/sENM2wA_FTg to hear the song, otherwise check out the home video below that Tyler's brother took.

"It's Time" by Imagine Dragons

So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent
And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit, right to the top
Don't hold back
Packing my bags and giving the Academy a rain check

I don't ever want to let you down
I don't ever want to leave this town
Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
I'm never changing who I am

So this is where you fell
And I am left to sell
The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell right to the top
Don't look back
Turning to rags and giving the commodities a rain check

I don't ever want to let you down
I don't ever want to leave this town
Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
I'm never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely
This house doesn't burn down slowly
To ashes
To ashes

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
I'm never changing who I am

2/18/16

My friend Julia came up with a great hack to clean my hair while I'm stuck flat on my back. She put down a shower curtain and washed my hair on the floor, rotating towels to soak up the water. She even brought her new baby to keep me entertained. Clean hair never felt so good!



2/13/16

It's annoying that most of the products targeted for breast cancer patients are not in my demographic. Sadly, I know too many people in their 30s and 40s dealing with cancer but in all of the pamphlets and marketing materials, everyone is in their 60s and 70s.

Since I can't shower until I get the drain out, they sent me home with this dry shampoo to wash my hair. I'm not sure if it only works on short hair but after using this and blow drying my hair looked like I had an inch of grease at my roots. Complete product fail.

2/13/16

It's been up and down. Being confined to bed for the first week was really limiting, but necessary to save as much skin as possible and hopefully save the nipple that had been biopsied from the inside. In order to get clear margins my surgeon had to cut really close to the skin during the mastectomy. Turns out I also have pretty thin skin, so there were a few sections my doctors were concerned might lose blood supply and become necrotic tissue. After my first follow up appointment they said it was looking good and I could move around more. But I overdid it and gravity took a nasty toll on my boob and my drainage doubled, so now I'm bedridden by choice.

I have to keep the drain in as I have too much fluid still coming out. The drain is one of the painful parts, especially at night when I'm trying not to sleep on it. My shoulder feels like it was dislocated as they had my arm out perpendicular to my body for the lymph node removal. I got a higher dose of pain meds that I hope will help. Right now I feel like the end of this video...

"This Too Shall Pass" by OK Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w

You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down
And you can't keep draggin' that dead weight around.
If there ain't all that much to lug around,
Better run like hell when you hit the ground.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

You can't stop these kids from dancin'.
Why would you want to?
Especially when you're already gettin' yours.
'Cause if your mind don't move and your knees don't bend,
well don't go blamin' the kids again.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

Let it go, this too shall pass.
Let it go, this too shall pass.

Let it go, this too shall pass.
(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

Let it go, this too shall pass.
(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

Hey!

Let it go, this too shall pass.
(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. You can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. You can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes!

2/11/16

I had my follow up appointment today with my surgeons and the pathology reports are in...
We caught it early, it’s stage 1, they removed enough tissue to have clear margins, my lymph nodes came back negative for cancer. I have some complications from the surgery that I'll go into later but I have to keep my drain tube in for another week. I have some new drugs to try to help manage the pain better.

I meet with my oncologist next week to see what the next steps are. I’m really hoping I get to skip chemo and radiation and go straight for the drugs that cause menopause! Woo hoo, bring on the hot flashes. Ugh.

2/11/16

I'm pretty much sleeping all of the time and getting up to walk to the bathroom every few hours when I get pain meds. My plastic surgeon is concerned about the thinness of my skin, so to try to make the implant as successful as possible, I need to be flat on my back 95% of the time trying to keep the area as warm as possible to increase blood flow to the area. I never sleep on my back so it's a bit uncomfortable but if it can save my nipple and skin I'll deal with it. The heater is cranked up in my room and I have a mound of blankets to keep me warm. Downside... I'm super sweaty stinky, but can't take a shower or get the incision wet until after my follow up appointment next Thursday. I'm hoping to have some results early next week to know what stage the cancer is or if it spread to my lymph nodes. Just sleeping as much as I can now.

2/7/16

Normally you can only have one relative at a time in the pre-op room, but my Aunt Terry was able to get both my Mom and Dad in. I love my parents, but I guarantee I was the only 41-year-old being serenaded with "Hush Little Baby, Don't Say a Word" while waiting for a mastectomy. Facepalm.

I completely don't remember putting on the hairnet, so the anesthesia must have been kicking in. I do remember being wheeled into the operating room. As they slid me onto the operating table, my anesthesiologist said we heard you like listening to music, do you prefer Spotify or Pandora? Pandora! What station? Pop Punk Radio! I recognized the song that started playing and then was out cold. I can't recall which song it was, but I so wish it could have been "I Wanna Be Sedated". The Ramones classic should be a hospital standard.

Post-surgery, my Dad (the selfie king) was standing by to capture the moment. I was happy to oblige. He didn't see the first pose until later.

PSA: Don't watch "Guardians of the Galaxy" after a mastectomy; comedy hurts, laughter is not the best medicine.

2/4/16

The countdown is on. My surgery got bumped up to 11am tomorrow. Today I had to go to Nuclear Medicine and get 3 radioactive injections which I'm pretty sure means I will be developing superhero powers any minute now. Or it's to see which lymph nodes the area by my tumor is draining to so they can determine if the cancer has spread or if it is contained in the tumor.

Technically I'm only supposed to bring loose clothing, ID, insurance card and payment for deductible (no jewelry, no personal belongings), but since I'll be staying overnight I'm packing some warm and comfy supplies (hospital AC is usually too cold for me).

• button down shirt
• comfortable pants
• warm comfy pajamas
• pillow
• warm soft blanket
• Kleenex
• toothbrush and toiletries
• camera
• water bottle
• throat lozenges
• chapstick
• scarf/soft jacket
• Comedy DVDs (I got these free from work)
• ear buds and music
(...I know I'm forgetting something)

Off to bed for me. I'll try to have someone post an update after surgery. THANKS FOR ALL OF THE SUPPORT!!!!

2/3/16

The day before my surgery I had to go to Nuclear Medicine to get 3 radioactive injections. I'm a little disappointed I didn't develop any superhero powers. The radioactive injections are typically a blue dye injected near the tumor to locate sentinel lymph node.

My doctor gave me the option to have my boob numbed by 3 injections of anesthesia first or just the 3 radioactive injections. 6 shots versus 3 shots. I hate needles and since the needles were the same size, I went with 3 stabbings instead of 6 to speed things up. Since I'd survived the ultrasound core needle biopsy and stereotactic breast biopsy, I figured how bad could it be.

He told me they progressively get worse. The first injection barely hurt and was followed by a little burning sensation. I said "Oh that wasn't bad at all". Then the second shot, "that definitely hurts more than the first" to which he replied slowly in a kind voice "yeeeaaaah". Then the third shot, "oh crap that burns!" and he replied "I told you it would get worse" in a sympathetic voice (he was pretty calming through it all). After the 3rd shot I regretted not getting the anesthesia. If I had to do it over again, I'd have asked to numb the area for the 3rd shot as that was by far the worst.

The radioactive fluid was injected around my tumor so my surgeon could follow it to determine where it drained. If the cancer cells had developed the ability to spread to other parts of the body they would go to those lymph nodes first. Tomorrow my surgeon will identify and remove those nearby lymph nodes and then test if cancer cells are present. More info on sentinel node biopsy here.

The whole time I was there I had the song "Radioactive" stuck in my head.

"Radioactive" by Pentatonix and Lindsey Stirling (Imagine Dragons cover)

Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa
I'm waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
I'm breathing in the chemicals

I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse
Whoa

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive

I raise my flags, don my clothes
It's a revolution, I suppose
We're painted red to fit right in
Whoa

I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse
Whoa

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive

All systems go, the sun hasn't died
Deep in my bones, straight from inside

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive

2/3/16

Tomorrow is my last day of work. My surgery got bumped up to 11am on Thursday, so now I have to go in Wednesday to do the pre-surgery injections (which I have no idea exactly what those are yet). I've been in a mad dash to get all of the necessary paperwork for my medical leave of absence submitted. After finally getting my request to the right department at Kaiser I got the completed "Medical Leave Certification Form" back today. My doctor said we won't know if I need chemo until surgery when they will see if the cancer has metastasized or spread to my lymph nodes, but just seeing this 'No' checked gave me a little more hope that the mastectomy might be all I need. Knock on wood.


2/1/16

Thank you so much for your messages, texts, calls and emails. I really appreciate every one. I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond or return all calls but I will try to catch up this weekend. Weekdays are pretty much shot, I'm out of the house 7am-6:15pm and pretty much fall asleep with Zoe every night for a few hours before hitting the sack. Your well wishes, thoughts and prayers are helping keep my spirits up.

We don't need help right now, but after surgery on Feb 4th we will be asking for and accepting all of the help we can get. More updates this weekend.

Feeling the love,
Megan

1/26/16

I found a lump the day after Christmas. A few days later I had an ultrasound needle biopsy that left a titanium marker clip in the shape of a cancer ribbon near the lump. After that I had a Stereotactic Core Biopsy that focused on the area with microcalcifications we found in the mammograms. That biopsy left a titanium marker clip in the shape of the letter "M".

I was eating lunch with a co-worker when I got the call. "Is this a good time to talk?" is never followed by good news. "We found cancer".

The good news is the "M" microcalcifications area turned out benign. The bad news is the cancer ribbon tumor area came back positive for cancer (I have a titanium cancer ribbon marking the spot where I will be actually fighting cancer).

I met with my surgeon, Phd MD Grace Tay, and she is great. My step-mom's sister, Terry, actually works in our surgery clinic and knows (and highly recommends) Dr. Tay. Terry came to our appointment with us and she was a tremendous help. Terry can schedule the best team of nurses and anesthesiologist when it's time for my surgery (so awesome to have someone on the inside). I feel like I'm in really good hands.

"Infiltrating ductal carcinoma"
The tumor is just over 1cm and grade 2 (moderately growing cancer cells). We don't know what stage it is, if it's metastasized, or if I need chemo. We won't have those answers until surgery.

I have two choices:
1. lumpectomy plus 5 weeks of daily radiation
2. mastectomy (with or without reconstruction)

The immunohistochemistry came back positive for estrogen and progesterone receptors making me a candidate for tamoxifen. This is really good news because breast cancers in younger women are more likely to be fast-growing, higher grade and hormone receptor-negative, making the cancers more aggressive and more likely to require chemotherapy. With my cancer being estrogen and progesterone receptor-positive and being a moderate grade, my chances of chemotherapy decrease. After surgery I will need to be on medication for 5 years that has menopausal side effects that will most likely lead to early menopause.

I met with my plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction options. After my Dr. Google research I was really hoping for "muscle-sparing" free TRAM flap reconstruction. It is a single but much more difficult and time-consuming surgery requiring a longer recovery. If done well it is a one and done surgery and should not need more attention over the course of a lifetime. The other reconstruction option is an implant that involves two surgeries that are easier with shorter recoveries but over time are more prone to problems and infections and additional procedures to correct those problems.

Unfortunately, I'm not a candidate for the flap reconstruction so my choices are mastectomy (with implant or no implant) or lumpectomy with radiation. I have really strong reservations about the long term effects of radiation. I'm 41 now. My fear is doing the lumpectomy with radiation only to have cancer come back in 5-10 years and to have limited options then due to the radiation damage.

So on February 4th, I'll be saying good-bye to my right boob as I know it with a mastectomy. I contemplated a double mastectomy, but I'm keeping lefty for now and trying to do genetic testing to see if I'm at risk for ovarian cancer. I thought about no implant and not doing reconstruction, but in the end vanity wins, I kinda like having 2 boobs.

Timeframe:
12/26/15 I found a lump
12/29/15 Dr. confirmation
12/30/15 mammogram, ultrasound, and ultrasound needle biopsy
1/5/15 stereotactic core biopsy
1/7/15 "Is this a good time to talk?" It's cancer.
1/12/15 met with surgeon
1/14/15 met with plastic surgeon
??? When/how/what do I tell my kids?
2/4/15 mastectomy +6 week recovery
4-6 months later reconstruction surgery +6 week recovery

In 8 months I hope to be cancer free and have 2 boobs again. I'll be blogging my progress, inevitable ups and downs, and sharing resources as I find them. Feel free to add your email to follow along on this countdown.

1/17/16

PSA: If you ever have to get a stereotactic breast biopsy make sure the boob they are not stabbing is safely tucked away and protected from the hole.

My mammograms and ultrasound showed a suspicious mass and microcalcifications, a tiny cluster of small calcium deposits that are associated with extra breast cell activity and may indicate early cancer.

There are two types of stereotactic breast biopsies: vacuum-assisted device (VAD) which uses a vacuum powered instrument to collect multiple tissue samples during one needle insertion and core needle (CN) which uses a large hollow needle to remove one sample of breast tissue per insertion. It's only been 4 days since I had mine and I have completely forgotten which one I had, hence why I'm starting this blog so I can remember this crap.

The most uncomfortable part of the procedure is supposed to be neck and back pain from lying on the concave table. They warn you that it will take several attempts to get your boob in the right position before they start collecting tissue samples. It took 8 repositioning and scans to finally find the right angle to get to my lump. On the 2nd repositioning the nurse caught my other nipple in the machine, slicing it open and taking a nick out of my left nipple. "She didn't see it". The pain from that was so bad that the actual stabbing of the biopsy completely paled in comparison. The whole thing took almost an hour on the table.

As I laid on the table in blood, tears and searing pain, my doctor said they were able to get the samples they needed and they were going to insert the titanium marker to indicate the area they biopsied. I had to wait another 15 minutes in the hole with applied pressure to stop the bleeding from the biopsied area. I was listening to my Thumbprint Radio Station on Pandora and Madilyn Bailey's version of "Titanium" came on.

I have a new theme song.

You shout it loud, but I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud, not saying much
I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
you shoot me down, but I get up
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away, fire away
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
Cut me down, but it's you who'll have further to fall

Ghost town and haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I'm talking loud, not saying much
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim

fire away, fire away
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
I am titanium
I am titanium
Stone hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone hard, as bulletproof glass

You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall

I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
I am titanium

Written by Sia, David Guetta, Giorgio Tuinfort and Afrojack




I found radiologyinfo.org a great resource for Stereotactic Breast Biopsy if you need more information.

1/6/16

Today was the first time I heard the word "tumor" and I kinda freaked the fuck out. I'm not sure what else I thought this lump/mass would be, but for some reason the word tumor just sounds a hell of a lot scarier than lump. I think I might start biting my nails waiting for the results to come in.

1/6/16